SUPER GiRL Talk: Vol. 7

This week two things occurred in iDOL Street that were interesting enough for fans to start making crazy predictions and engage in completely unsubstantiated speculation and rumor mongering. [Umm, I’m pretty sure it’s just you making crazy predictions and causing trouble. Everyone else on the internet is completely normal. And I don’t know what rumor mongering means, but it sounds weird.] I don’t know what it means either, but I thought it would make me sound smart. [You thought using the word “mongering” would make you sound smart?]

Anyway, as I was saying, this week two things occurred in iDOL Street that were interesting enough for fans to start making crazy predictions and engage in completely unsubstantiated speculation and rumor mongering. First was the dismissal of Ayaka Kawai, a member of Street-sei‘s Nagoya team. This literally, figuratively, and literally came out of nowhere and is shocking because she was a front-runner for the fourth iDOL Street group. I had to punch someone in the face to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. The second was a teaser video that aired at Gocchan’s graduation concert two days ago, which according to a fan who attended, seemed to imply that a new member will be joining SUPER☆GiRLS.

The current Street-sei front-runners
I previously ranked the ten members who I think are considered by the producers to be the most likely candidates (Reminder: these aren’t the members I necessarily like; they’re just the girls I think are on the fast track to make the group). [In other words, you don’t like some of them!] I removed #9 and 10 though, because I forgot why I included them. Hey, no one’s perfect. [Speaking of rankings, didn’t you previously lock Misa-misa for PASSPO?] You’re bringing that up again? Don’t forget that immediately after Koume graduated from Party Rockets I predicted that she would join SUPER☆GiRLS.* [No you didn’t! You predicted that she would join DLH or Street-sei and only later predicted she would join SUPER☆GiRLS.] My prediction was still accurate though and several months in advance. [You also predicted that Mano Erina would “reverse graduate.” That’s not even a real thing.] It is a real thing! It just hasn’t happened yet. Anyway, I also predicted Sara would join GEM, two months before she was even added as a candidate member. [Ok, you win! That was GEMazing!!!]

The current Street-sei front-runners

THE CENTER

THE FRONTGIRL

THE ACE

If my rankings are accurate, Ayaka was in a good position to make the group, or at least make the “starting lineup,” assuming they repeated what they did with GEM. (Before GEM officially debuted, they had 13 “starting” members competing for a spot. A few months later, three more Street-sei members joined the unofficial lineup, before the final lineup was chosen).

You may be thinking, “This is boring! Where are the CraAAaZYY predictions and rumor whatever-you-called-it?” Well, this is where it get’s interesting, because even though Ayaka Kawai was probably a front-runner for the group she is *wait for it* totally mediocre! She can’t sing, and is average in practically every idol category: looks, personality, and talent. I’m going to play devil’s advocate and argue that her being terminated is actually a GOOD THING for the fourth group! Why? Because a slot just opened up for someone that isn’t her!

The reason Ayaka was a front runner in the first place was because she was (1) popular with fans and (2) the second-longest tenured member of Street-sei [technically tied with Saku, who is the only other remaining 3rd gen member. Haachin (Hazuki) is 2nd gen and has been in the group the longest]. Popularity and tenure aren’t exactly logical reasons for anyone to be included in anything, but they were the type of reasons that could force the hand of the producers. Which meant there was already going to be at least one average member in the lineup. I have no idea why she was let go, but it certainly provided them a convenient way to resolve the dilemma of including her in the group. 

Most importantly, every single talented, yet unpopular Street-sei member instantly increased their odds at making the group. This includes members like Riko, Narumi, and Fuka. [AKA members you like!] Yeah, I like talented members. [Oh. Yeah, so do I. *grumble grumble*]

THE LEADER

Baseless speculation on the new SUPER☆GiRLS member
Even though I haven’t watched the teaser video which evidently hints at a new member, I’m going to allow myself to speculate on Gocchan’s replacement. I mean, what else is there to write about? [The Chubbiness articles you were supposed to finish last month?] These are my candidates, which I admit are extremely unlikely, but what else is there to write about? [That research paper that’s due on March 9 that you haven’t started yet?] Oh yeah. I’ll start that once I finish the Chubbiness articles.
1. Saori
Two words: reverse-graduation!

2. Rihona
Two words: reverse-graduation! There have been a lot of graduations so far this year, but I’d rather remember this year as the year of the “reverse-graduation.” The potential for her to reverse-graduate is much higher than Saori’s, but obviously Saori would be a better fit for the group. [Umm, that was 49 words.]

3. Haachin
I’m going to include her in every prediction until she joins a group.

If any of them joined, my interest in SUPER☆GiRLS would be completely resuscitated. Is there some sort of idol god that I need to sacrifice a goat to in order to make this happen?

It was the End of the World. And Everyone was DANCIN’ DANCIN’ DANCE!!

This video may be NSFW

Unfortunately for me, the first time I watched DANCIN’ DANCIN’ DANCE!! I was at work. When the video started it felt like my whole body was being invaded by dance. I was powerless to resist and all I wanted was more dance. I jumped on my desk and knocked over monitors, table lamps, drinks, anything in my path as I celebrated the power of dance. I felt so free, especially when dancing dancing dance resulted in the destruction of company property and people getting kicked in the face. This was pure dance. Not the fake stuff you see on TV or read about in books. As I explored dance, dance explored me. My colleagues were horrified. And so was I. The first time is always scary. Security was called and they escorted me out of the building.

And I was dancing dancing dance the entire time.

DANCIN’ DANCIN’ DANCE!! is a unit song that debuted at GEM’s first one-man on September 13, 2014. Footage of the unit never existed though and the song was soon forgotten. That is until a few days ago when the above video was uploaded and all hell broke loose. “Shit went viral overnight,” said some guy on the internet.  DANCIN’ DANCIN’ DANCE!! was officially back.

The unit includes GEMbers Rana, Chisami, Kako, and Sara. Rana-berry and Chisami-saurus are the main vocalists, and Kako-tee and Sara-kizzy are the dancers and back-up vocalists. The song is horrendiculous, but DANCIN’ DANCIN’ DANCE!! is pure awesome-chowder for one reason: Sara did the choreography.

During their one-man, she explained that she was under a lot of pressure to produce something great. So leading up to the concert, she often conferred with Kako for advice. They talked on the phone for hours and hours about dance.

They also talked about make-up, fashion, and boys.

The night before Sara was to present DANCIN’ DANCIN’ DANCE!! to the group, she stayed up late working in her dance studio–the birthplace of dance–aka the laundry room. On a typical night she’d be asleep by 8PM, right after her bath, and would wear super-short shorts and a tight-fitting cami to bed. But that night was different. That night there would be endless dance. So the super-short shorts and tight-fitting cami would have to wait and lay neatly folded on her bed. In place of super-short shorts and tight-fitting cami, she changed into her dance attire: super-short shorts and a tight-fitting tee tied in a knot to show off her tummy.

While finishing the dance, she called Kako one final time to go over last-second details. All dancers know that true dance is in the details and she had ever so much to discuss. She was positively overwhelmed by dance.

And she was sweaty.

She was never able to reach Kako though, because in an unexpected plot twist Kako had already fallen asleep! While Sara was dancing dancing dance, Kako was sleeping sleeping sleep.

So Sara finished the choreography alone. And when she finally fell asleep, after slipping into her tight fitting cami, she had the craziest dream…

“Hmm, what was it about again?” she wondered as she caressed her legs, which were still tender from the night of endless dancing.

“Oh yeah, the dream was about dance!”

“Well, that and being promoted to center after Maya gets eaten by a zombie dinosaur from outer space… but it was mainly about dance.”

I need more dance. Can I please have a little more dancing dancing dance??

The Fourth iDOL Street group is coming in April! Everyone update your calendars and try not to die before then.

On January 11, iDOL Street’s producer confirmed the next group on the iDOL Street label will be revealed in April and the candidates would be the 36 current members of Street-sei. [That’s so GEM!]

Which means my fourth group predictions, editorials, prophecies, fanfics, conjectures, and ramblings were not completely pointless.

And more importantly, I have a legitimate excuse to update my Street-sei rankings!

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Even a blind brain surgeon would agree that lineup is perfect and dare I say, better than GEM’s! Imagine a group where every member is your oshimen! And your least favorite member is your oshimen! The leader? Your oshimen! The “talented” one? Your oshimen! The “hot” member? Obviously your oshimen! The annoying girl who keeps getting unfairly pushed at the expense of your oshimen? Your oshimen! The “weird” member that you alone think is beautiful? Your oshimen! And it doesn’t matter which first press photo you get with singles because it’s always your oshimen! At concerts every successive solo is sung by your oshimen! And at handshake events you tell every member that she is your oshimen. And this time you aren’t lying!

*wakes up from dream* Alas, while I think the above 8-member lineup has the perfect mix of talent, personality, and looks, it’s also extremely unlikely. 

Instead of perfection, this is probably what we are going to get:

THE CENTER

THE FRONTGIRL

THE ACE

If you don’t know the members, you may think “Umm… some of them are cute. What’s the problem?”

The problem is… they aren’t my oshimen!

Actually, the real problem is most of them can’t sing. At all. 

And some of them are really, really not my oshimen. [You already mentioned that.] 

*If* the final lineup resembles the above, obviously I would give them a chance, but I wouldn’t be a day-one fan like I was with GEM. Then again, it wasn’t that long ago that I used to think the Sendai team was sub-iDOL Street quality, and they eventually became my favorite. At the very least Haachin would finally be in a group, after being overlooked for SUPER☆GiRLS, Cheeky Parade, and GEM. Although she isn’t popular or being pushed, I doubt she would have remained in Street-sei had she not been given some assurance that she would be included. I really hope at least my top three make the group. Unfortunately, most of my favorite members simply aren’t popular. After Sutorigu 3 concluded, the top 20 who received the most MVP votes were revealed, and I don’t think Fuka, Rio, and Riko ranked. I highly doubt there will be a fifth group, so this is their final chance, unless they transfer to another agency… or get added to a current iDOL Street group. [Like that crazy prediction you keep making about Rihona returning and joining GEM?] 

There are also two members who have been getting pushed, that I didn’t include in my predicted lineup, because if they make it iDOL Street producer Tatsuo Higuchi is clearly insane (and high). Hana is so shy she must be terrified of humans and Miri is the weirdest girl ever. And neither can sing. [Isn’t it bad karma to hope neither make the group?] Yes. But one is terrified of humans and the other is the weirdest girl ever!

Sara “pics of the week”™
Are all Japanese hugs this awkward? Sara is thinking, “Hurry up and take the photo so I can get out of here!” Amita is like, “Who is this person? A fan?” [There is so much space between them a member of Chubbiness could squeeze in!] 

Super long kawaai–wait a sec, what is that?
That is either the worst “heart” pose ever or they are holding an invisible sandwich.

Normally I wouldn’t blame my oshimen. I mean, clearly Amita is responsible for the worst hug ever because she is a year older than Sara. And obviously Mariya is to blame for the worst heart pose ever because she is… a year younger.

Ok, it’s my oshiGEM! Why is she so weird?