Why do Chubbiness T-shirts only come in two sizes, XL and XXL? And why haven’t my Chubbiness body pillows arrived yet? I ordered them three weeks ago!

The other day I was talking to my editor Wigglesworth Crumplebottom and he was like, “Where the f-junk are the new Chubbiness articles?” And I was like, “Uh… Chubbiness articles take a long time to write. Have you seen how big they are??”

He’s right though, I have been slacking–especially on my Chubbiness fanfics. But if everything goes according to keikaku, the following articles should go up this week:

• Chubbinomics: Fad or Long-term Solution to All of Japan’s Problems?
• Parent’s Take: Why the hell are kids saying “Let’s get Chubbified!”
• Chubbiness: Great Group or Greatest Group?
• Chubbiness Editorial: How Chubby is Too Chubby?
• Exclusive Report: The Good, The Bad, and The Chubby. The Truth About Chubbiness, Their Fans, and the Idol Industry.
• Reader feedback: Where were you when you became a Chubbiness fanatic? And more importantly, what were you eating?

Actually that’s all a lie. I’m supposed to be finishing the recap of my Japan trip… but after working on it for two days I realized that it was long, boring, and pointless. Which is weird because the trip was short, amazing, and almost perfect. [Perfect? Didn’t you get lost in Shinjuku on the way to a predia concert and had to take a taxi even though the venue was less than half a km away?] I wrote “almost.“

Instead of improving the recap, I found myself browsing my old photobucket account and stumbled across the memes I made back when I was a bigger dork than I am now. So in place of a recap, I’m introducing a new feature: 

Once Upon a Time I was an AKB Fan

And Once Upon a Time I was also a PASSPO Fan

Version 2 of their original outfit

And in a box buried deep in my closet:

[At least you learned from your mistakes.]
Yes. At least I learned.

Aww, Misa updated her blog

There has  been some interesting predia, SUPER☆GiRLS, and PASSPO news lately, but I’m too lazy to write about any of that. For some reason Misa updating her blog is news-worthy though. It’s kind of weird that she even has a blog, considering she isn’t an idol. So essentially I am visiting the blog of a 14-year-old girl. That’s pretty weird. The only way to make it not weird is for her to join a pop group. Any group. Immediately. Preferably a group that is made up of “super” “girls”.

Actually I don’t think she would be appropriate for SUPER☆GiRLS at all, I just thought it would be clever to write that. I have no idea what group she would fit in, but there are literally hundreds of groups, so there has to be a spot for her somewhere. As long as it’s not NEP She Stars. I wonder if it is even remotely PASSPOssible for her to still join PASSPO. They can say they found a box of “missing” balets in Mako-T’s locker and Misa ended up winning.

Anyway since PASSPO is releasing three concert dvds and I want to watch them all, here is what I propose. I’ll buy the Next Flight dvd, someone in… let’s say Iceland can buy the Wing dvd, and a third fan who is totally cool can buy the Natsusora Hanabi dvd. It’ll be like that one episode of the Simpsons when Bart, Milhouse, and Martin bought a comic book and split it three-ways. Actually it’s not like that all. And I’m not even sure how I would share it since my mediafire account got cancelled because a certain person uploaded the SUPER☆GiRLS concert and too many people downloaded it. January 30 is like six months away though, so we have plenty of time to figure this out.

I’m not updating my blog until Misa updates hers

Technically I’m just updating because there is important Maidoru news that has to be shared: The mobile site is undergoing maintenance and will be down on Monday for 12 hours.

SUPER☆GiRLS fans all over the world are like, “I’m not even going to bother waking up that day.”

Everyone knows the word “maintenance” is just a code-word for a massive, possibly SUPER, upgrade. I still log in everyday to vote for Reira, and then check out the random news, missions and quizzes, but I think there are several things they can do to take the concept to the next level. Hopefully their programmers can read my mind because I don’t feel like being a huge nerd and listing the improvements.

This week fans were allowed to vote on the photo that would be included with the group’s next single Puripuri Summer Kiss. You’re only allowed to vote for your favorite member, but that’s probably a good thing because it took me 73 hours to decide on photo “B”.

If you aren’t using Maidoru, just take a permanent marker and circle your choice on your monitor.

And for no particular reason here is a preview pic from their upcoming music video:

I guess that’s hot… if you’re into girls wearing bikinis. I’m more interested in the shopping cart! I think that’s the XQ 50 series. I wonder what’s in it? Probably just glow sticks and SUPER☆GiRLS cookies.

Hardcore  SUPER☆GiRLS fans are probably thinking, “SUPER☆GiRLS cookies? That is sooo last month. Right now it’s all about Puripuri Summer booty-shaking!”. They’re right though, this is old news. But it’s tasty, cookie-tastic news. No puns intended.

Each box of SUPER☆GiRLS cookies comes with eight individually wrapped cookies, two mini-trading cards, and a collectible box with trivia and fun facts. Six limited-edition boxes also contain a golden ticket to the SUPER☆GiRLS cookie factory.

You can purchase a box of your own at Avex’s online store:

http://shop.mu-mo.net/a/item1/?jsiteid=mumo&seq_exhibit_id=58110

There is only one review, but the guy gave it a perfect rating and commented “普通美味しかった”. I google translated that and got: “Usually was delicious”. I’m sold!

Unfortunately if you buy a box it isn’t guaranteed to include a cookie of your favorite member, since there are only eight per box. Theoretically you could buy a hundred boxes and not get the particular cookie you’re looking for. (I guess you could trade cookies with other fans to complete your collection. I can imagine fans taking their cookies to concerts or events and trading them. That seems like the kind of weird thing some fans would do). Even if you do get a cookie of your favorite member, would you eat it? Either way would be strange. What if they’re voodoo cookies and the moment you bite off the head, the same thing happens to your favorite member. I don’t want to live in a world where Reira can have her head bitten off. So the only other option is placing it in a vacuum sealed container and cryogenically freezing it. Of course if you’re a jerk and you change your favorite member every few months, you could unfreeze the non-“oshimen” cookie and then eat it. It would still be edible because the cookies are individually wrapped. And anything individually wrapped lasts forever.

I read a Japanese guy’s blog and he said the cookies were only “average” in taste, but were a “good deal at only 600 yen”. What a pragmatic assessment.

By the way, changing your favorite member every couple of months is perfectly normal behavior.

Speaking of SUPER☆GiRLS cookies, what’s up with the horrible quality of pics at Reiko’s blog. In February she was phone shopping and asked her readers for advice. I thought she would get an iphone because her best friends in the group, Akane and Rumina, have one, but she went with an android. I don’t necessarily care which phone she got, but ever since she did the quality of her photos has been really bad. It’s similar to when you read someones blog and you go back to their entries from several years ago and the pics are all small and low-res. That’s what her photos degraded to, for instance these are the new “style” of photos at her blog:

*Wait a sec… is this a rant? I’m outta here!*
*No it’s not, I’m going to write something hilarious in a second, just keep reading.*

In addition to being blurry and washed out, the photos are square-shaped. That’s crREIzy!I don’t know if it’s her phone’s camera or a new and horrible feature on ameblo, because I’ve seen the same style of photos on some other blogs. Anyway, I lied, this was a rant! It was just a mini-rant™ though. It’s not like I am going to write a 10,000 word entry on how big of a mistake PASSPO’s management made by not choosing Misa. Or how lame it was to then lie about the voting results.

Speaking of square-shaped photos, PASSPO is celebrating the 1 year anniversary of their major label debut on May 20. Predia is kind of operating one year behind them, so maybe they will finally upgrade to a major label. I think most predia fans would like this to happen, if only because this is probably something the members of the group want. I’m not really sure if it will happen though, or if being signed to a major label is actually a good thing. Honestly there are so many J-pop groups it seems like it’s only a matter of time until the whole idol group bubble bursts.

A very important message from Reira to her fans:

This was in my Maidoru message box. *puts on glasses to translate*

“Oshimen”… “very very Thank you”…  “ureshi desu”… “kite kudasai”… “SUPER☆GiRLS” … “kuru”… “ojisan”… “POWERFUL”… “korekara mo yoroshiku onegaishimasu”… “Reicheru”.

My Japanese is pretty bad but I’m pretty sure she just wrote that she loves me.

Last month I was ranked 549 out of the 1171 Reira fans.

Since then I’ve worked really hard and increased my rank to 245.

Maidoru Update: In a little over a month I’ve gone from a rank of #629 to #245. Since I’ve been stuck at this rank for a week, I think this implies that there are approximately 250 hardcore fans of hers using the site. There should be a Reira Festival for us! Reira could perform a mini-solo concert, followed by an autograph session! And there could be pony rides, face-painting,  a SUPER☆GiRLS cookie eating contest, and more!

“Reira Fes” will probably be announced when Maidoru upgrades on Monday.

Speaking of “Reira Fes”, I’m *kind of* thinking about going to”PASSPO Fes”, which is the free “Festival” that fans can attend if they purchase the DVD editions of their next single Next Flight. The concert is going to be held at Hibiya Outdoor Music Hall, which is a venue PASSPO has performed at before, and incidentally the location where SUPER☆GiRLS concluded their 1st tour a couple weeks ago.

This photo is from the SUPER☆GiRLS concert a few weeks ago. Even though the concert has been over for a while, all those fans in the photo are still there, patiently waiting for PASSPO Fes to begin! How lame is that?!