Tag Archives: Wigglesworth Crumplebottom

How to Survive in Japan for a Week with Only One Million Yen

10 Feb

So my editor calls me at 4AM and screams, “Hey Billy, you’re having another dream about Runapon aren’t you?!” And I was like, “Yes. Thanks for waking me.” I know the real reason he’s calling though. “Hey, since you’re awake, how are the Chubbiness articles coming along? Sponsors are getting reeeeeallly anxious. And don’t forget to plug my new book!” So predictable. “I know. I’ll finish them today.”

That was two weeks ago.

Is it just me or is it impossible to write about Chubbiness without taking five hundred dinner breaks?

I didn’t know what to write about so I went to church for the first time in like a million years and the priest tells me, “Every time you make fun of Chubbiness an angel dies.” I was like, “A chubby angel?” Kidding aside, they’re actually a very generous group. A Chubbiness 2-shot is more like a 3-shot, amiright? Yeah, they’re great. Just don’t come near iDOL Street! HAHAHA… but seriously, don’t. *long awkward pause*

Ok enough stupidity, on to the recap.

I just flew to Japan and boy are my arms something something
This trip would be my first time flying in a Boeing 787, aka the Dreamliner.
787Dreamliner? More like Nightmare liner.

One of the plane’s advantages is lower cabin pressure, unfortunately it was also freezing cold and the guy sitting next to me was really sick. I think he may have died at some point during the flight. I’ve gotten sick in Japan several times, so I was a little worried. A little very worried.

It’s a 12 hour flight from L.A. to Tokyo and I watched If I Stay five times in a row. Just because. 

predia Party
@ Shinjuku ReNY
December 28, 2014

The morning after I arrived in Tokyo, I changed hotels and went to a Doll☆Elements mini-live in Chiba. I covered that event previously, so fast forward to predia’s concert that evening. But before I get to that, doesn’t predia’s upcoming album cover look a lot like GEM’s debut single?

The predia concert was at 18:00 and the plan was to meet Tobi at Shinjuku station at 16:45. That would give us plenty of time to find the venue since neither of us had been to Shinjuku ReNY before. Unfortunately, it took me a lot longer to get back to my hotel after the Doll☆Elements event, and I didn’t arrive at Shinjuku station until 17:00.

That wouldn’t have been a big deal, but when I arrived I couldn’t find the exit we agreed to meet at. I forgot how massive and crowded this station is. I asked a station attendant and he pointed me in the direction to go. I followed his instructions and got lost. I retraced my steps and got lost. So I went back to the entrance and studied the station map.

And I got lost.

The exit I was looking for didn’t seem to exist. I didn’t want to waste anymore time, so I decided to leave the station from any exit and just take a taxi. And hope that Tobi would realize I’m an idiot and go to ReNY by himself. It was pretty lame to take a taxi though, since I was less than a kilometer away. And that’s probably why the first taxi I got in wouldn’t take me. He said it was too close. The next taxi also declined for the same reason. It made sense though and I can’t blame them. There is a giant queue of taxis outside the station and they don’t want to lose their spot just to take some guy down the street. But at this point I was getting even more nervous, because I couldn’t walk to the venue and now it seemed I couldn’t take a taxi either. I hesitatingly called a third cab, expecting to be denied again. The cab driver was a lot nicer, but still wouldn’t take me. He did try to explain how to walk there though. So I followed his directions.

And I got lost.

Getting lost in Shinjuku at night reminded me of my Osaka trip from 2013, when I was traveling by an overnight bus, got completely lost, and was literally a few minutes from missing the departure. After taking the taxi driver’s advice I ended up further away from the station, but I still had no idea where I was or where I needed to go. So I got into another taxi and since I was desperate at this point I wanted to just throw thousands of yen at him and say, “Drive!” Turned out, the driver was really nice and he actually kept thanking me for taking his cab. Maybe because he made 1000 yen for a three minute drive. Anyway, I had finally arrived. Phew, crisis averted!

This was my fifth predia one-man and the longest set-list I’ve seen them perform. The concert was Aki’s birthday, who I think is around the same age as me, or maybe a year younger. They debuted new outfits halfway through the concert (the black and white dresses on their album cover), which were hotter than the red dresses they wore at the start. During the MCs, they announced the release date for their 1st major album and talked about a “revenge live” at Shinjuku Blaze. Evidently they tried scheduling a one-man at the venue years ago, but it was cancelled due to low ticket sales. They also debuted two new songs from their album,  “Maboroshi ha Zanadu” and “Tokyo Love Affair.” “You’re my Hero” was also new to me. All three songs were pretty good, but there was something off about the concert’s pacing.

A long setlist sounds good in theory, but the concert dragged because every great song was followed by an average one. Which was annoying because the filler songs took the place of “Hey Now!!,” “Diamond High Heels,” “Honey B,” and “Kimi Mitai ni.” They also had chairs set up on the floor, which were so close together there was literally no room to move.

But enough complaining, they were hot and that is all that matters. Although… I was studying their outfits really closely and noticed a tragic design flaw.

The dresses could have been much shorter!

1. Boukyaku no Cinderella
2. Melty Snow
3. Yasoukyoku -Akai Nokoriga no Sasoi ASOUKYOKU-
4. Dia Love
5. Mid9t Luv
6. Maboroshi ha Zanadu
8. Eyes2Luv
9. Utsukushiki Kodoku Tachi
10. Yakou Chou
11. one more yesterday
12. Silky Rain
13. You’re my Hero
14. Namo Naki Shiroi Hana ha Kie Iku
15. Kowareta Ai no Hate ni
16. Tokyo Love Affair
17. Crazy Cat
18. you slipped away
19. Going To Ride
20. Dream Of Love
22. Re-start Game
-Double Encore-
23. Do the Party!


Why do Chubbiness T-shirts only come in two sizes, XL and XXL? And why haven’t my Chubbiness body pillows arrived yet? I ordered them three weeks ago!

7 Feb

The other day I was talking to my editor Wigglesworth Crumplebottom and he was like, “Where the f-junk are the new Chubbiness articles?” And I was like, “Uh… Chubbiness articles take a long time to write. Have you seen how big they are??”

He’s right though, I have been slacking–especially on my Chubbiness fanfics. But if everything goes according to keikaku, the following articles should go up this week:

  • Chubbinomics: Fad or Long-term Solution to All of Japan’s Problems?
  • Parent’s Take: Why the hell are kids saying “Let’s get Chubbified!”
  • Chubbiness: Great Group or Greatest Group?
  • Chubbiness Editorial: How Chubby is Too Chubby?
  • Exclusive Report: The Good, The Bad, and The Chubby. The Truth About Chubbiness, Their Fans, and the Idol Industry.
  • Reader feedback: Where were you when you became a Chubbiness fanatic? And more importantly, what were you eating?

Actually that’s all a lie. I’m supposed to be finishing the recap of my Japan trip… but after working on it for two days I realized that it was long, boring, and pointless. Which is weird because the trip was short, amazing, and almost perfect. [Perfect? Didn’t you get lost in Shinjuku on the way to a predia concert and had to take a taxi even though the venue was less than half a km away?] I wrote “almost.

Instead of improving the recap, I found myself browsing my old photobucket account and stumbled across the memes I made back when I was a bigger dork than I am now. So in place of a recap, I’m introducing a new feature: 

Once Upon a Time I was an AKB Fan

And Once Upon a Time I was also a PASSPO Fan

And in a box buried deep in my closet:

passtuffx[At least you learned from your mistakes.]
Yes. At least I learned.